~ warm mrs. K. ~

God, I can’t anymore.. Words fail me.. I don’t know how to describe the pain.. It’s so powerful.. It’s beyond me at the moment.. It’s all stronger than me.. I don’t know from where to start or how to describe this.. I can’t fight my tears..

~~

(picture's source)
Bro, if you’re reading this, please try to pull yourself together..

Well, it’s Mrs. K.. Mrs. K is this extremely devoted teacher.. A very warm woman.. She never taught me.. In the school I graduated from she taught.. She taught my brother & touched him in a way that no other teacher did.. When I was in high school, I remember her befriending me & giving me all those girly li’l advises secretly.. She’d always leave me with this peaceful feeling that I hardly felt with anyone else.. After graduation & through my college years, I used to see her in the mosque in Ramadan.. She’d always tell me what a special girl I am & how proud she is of me.. She used to tease her girls around by praising me & wishing they’d be like me someday..

When I myself started teaching, I used to remember her & wonder: “how can she teach all these classes with that warm smile that’s never left her?!”.. I never forgot her.. And after a year & a half, I got an offer to teach in MY OWN SCHOOL.. I met the headmistress in the mosque one night & she needed me to teach there desperately.. When my first teaching day started, I couldn’t believe myself, “how can I sit in the teachers’ room with all those professional teachers (half of them were MY OWN teachers) & correct notebooks & chit chat around them?”.. I was happy & scared.. And I hardly sat in that room.. I couldn’t.. I used to carry my notebooks & books around, of course with the help of my li’l angels & correct them in the staircase..

I taught in that school for only one month.. During that month, Mrs. K. used to call me & ask me to sit with her in that room & whisper all beautiful things to my ears.. A couple of days before leaving MY school, she wrote me this beautiful supplication & asked me to always recite it & keep her in my prayers.. I promised her that & took this li’l paper & stuck it on my bed & I read it every night before sleeping.. Ever since I left the school, she’d send me a message on my cell every now & then & by mistake send it to strangers & tell me how much she hates technology.. I remember once, she was sending me this du’a that she especially wrote for me & by mistake sent it to a man.. He called her & asked her who’s this sara you’re so much in love with.. She told him accept this du’a & pray for me :)

Just today, my friend called me & told me that she’s left this earthly life, after two weeks of testes & shocks of suddenly discovering this sickening cancer that has spread & weakened her whole body.. I hope that brief pain she had wiped off her sins.. And no, I won’t call this a loss.. She’s not a loss.. She’s living in hundreds & hundreds of beating hearts.. Mrs. K. is & will always be in my prayers.. I’ll never forget her hugs.. Her body was petite, but her hugs were very strong squeezes that’d get to your soul & nourish it with strong bright light..

~~

I'm glad that the last image I have of her was that last time I met her in the mosque.. Little did I know that that was the last glimpse.. Last hug.. Last goodbye..

~~

What even made things harder for me today, is that some other sad news were delivered to me.. My friend who's told me about Mrs. K., has a very sick mother.. She’s been suffering from cancer for a number of years now.. And lately, it’s been discovered that it has spread & reached her spinal cord.. This mother is one of the strongest women I’ve ever met.. She’d be in pain & tears would roll down her cheeks without a sound.. But for the past two weeks, the pain has grown so much, to the limit that causes her to scream almost continuously..

Whoever may be reading this, please, please, please do remember these two souls & pray for them & ask Allah to grant them peace.. We never know what might happen to us, or to our beloved ones this very next instant..

How “daniyah” is this “dunya”,

And what a hard test it is to live it..

I might not be here tomorrow..

& never will I want me to fit in it..